prince_of_beasts (
prince_of_beasts) wrote2022-06-27 03:17 pm
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A synthesized woman's voice picks up the call.
"Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system. Two - Zero - Two - Nine - One - Eight - Two - One - Three - Two -- is not available now. At the tone, please record your message. When you've finished recording, you may hang up or press the # key for more options."
Dimitri hasn't figured out how to customize the thing yet.
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She doesn't look at Dimitri.
"It isn't precious; I don't die, even in my own world, so it doesn't matter if I do die here. I'm already dead. My life isn't my own anymore. I thought you'd get it."
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Dimitri sniffs, glaring, his eyes bruised and bloodshot and so glassy with tears he can barely focus. He's not even trying to hold them back; he left that capacity with Ossie, and -- and maybe if Darcy sees, she'll understand.
"Even if we come back, it matters that we suffer. Ossie came back, but it matters that he died, because I found his fucking body! You're precious to me, and I would mourn you!" Dimitri wipes his eyes. He's not shouting, just pleading through his tears as his voice starts to crack. "Don't do that to me. Please. Don't let me fail you, too."
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Now that Dimitri isn't yelling, is swearing, it sinks in that he's scared. That the whole reason for all of this was just the want to not lose a friend. It's selfish, probably, but...
Darcy lays her hand out, palm-up, for him to take.
"'M not going anywhere. You're not going to fail me."
In a matter of days, the ghosts will make a liar out of her.
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He sniffs again, wipes his eyes on his sleeve, swallows. The bitter memory sobers him.
"My godbrother. My best friend. Was killed the same day as my father. Felled by a blow that was meant for me. His body fell on top of mine, and so our attackers mistook me for dead." Dimitri wraps his arms around himself, staring into the middle distance. It's easier to tell this story than bare his feelings so directly. "It was three days before anyone found me. Three days, trapped under his body while it rotted."
He looks at Darcy again, his expression dull and dead-eyed. "His own father told me he was proud. That Glenn died nobly. A sacrifice for his lord, a death worthy of a true knight. He never saw his son's corpse. Glenn was in no state to be brought home. Am I making sense? Do you understand?"
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" ... Darcy?" Dimitri's hand flutters, uncertain. Seeing her this frozen, this quiet, is all wrong. If he had any sense, he'd stop talking, but he's too fucking stupid for that. "I'm sorry. I didn't tell you about Glenn to hurt you. I just -- " shut up shut up shut up shut up " -- there's nothing wrong with caring enough to commit your life to it. I'm the last person with any right to judge you. But you say these things, and I hear the people who told me not to mourn my friend, because his death was 'worthy'. That they would be glad to die like he did. I -- I don't want to lose you like that."
His hand flutters, uncertain. The last thing he needs to do is make this worse. He should cut their losses and let Darcy go, but -- Cichol help him, if he does Darcy will vanish into the Nothing, he knows this with the gut-wrenching certainty of a cliff's edge.
He splits the difference, and offers his own hand.
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He offers his hand back and Darcy wrestles with herself to take it or not. This is the sort of disagreement that will come back to haunt them, one that won't be easily resolved without lying to him. And she can't. Not with Dimitri. She's never had an older brother before now, someone this invested in keeping a little martyr from the grave. She thinks on Glenn making the decision to end his own young life for Dimitri's sake and...
Can't imagine a world where she doesn't make the same choice. No greater love than to lay her life down for a friend.
Darcy sniffs and takes his hand despite herself.
"'m sorry. Love you. You're not going to lose me."
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(No greater love than to lay down one's life for a friend -- Dimitri would agree with her. But for him, it's never been that simple. Three months of freedom can't undo eighteen years of being told that it's duty that demands others sacrifice for him.)
"I love you, too," he says softly. He presses his face to Darcy's hair; swallows, takes a risk, and kisses the top of her head. "It's alright. You won't lose me, either."
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"Good," she squeezes his hand back, "good," she agrees, "we're fine as long as we have each other's backs."